Climb, Young Grasshopper

One of my least favourite interview questions is, "What's your five year plan?" It's primarily unsettling to me because I don't always know the intent behind the question. What is the answer my interviewer wants to hear from me? If I fail to answer in favor of what they want to hear, will I not get the job? Am I supposed to say, "My five year plan is to be here, at this company?" How do I know where I'll be in the next five years?

I got a good chuckle from an Instagram reel recently that has been circling the stratosphere of the internet. The caption is, "Actual footage of my boss and I at my mid-year review" and the interviewer asks the employee (who, in the reel, is actually Elmo), "What's your five year plan?" To which Elmo humorously responds, "Five years?! Elmo doesn't really know what he's going to be doing in the next five hours!"

Now I don't mean to underplay the value of commitment. We should be people who are willing to commit and follow through. Let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matt. 5:37). However, one can be committed to where they are now, but not know where they will be in five years. In Christian circles we have a phrase that we often tag onto the end of any of our plans, and that is the phrase, "Lord willing." Recently a fellow counselor/co-worker and I were chatting on the phone and she asked if she would see me at the next staff meeting. I said, "Yes, I will be there." But she lightheartedly replied, "You know, we should always say 'Lord willing' after that." And she is right.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that'" (James 4:13-15)

The reason for speaking in this way may not seem so significant on the surface, but it hints to a deeper position of the heart. With this mindset, we are to hold our lives with an open hand, remembering that we are not the sovereign of our life - God is Sovereign. To assume we can take our lives into our own hands is folly. David writes in Psalm 119:109, "I hold my life in my hand continually, but I do not forget your law." I think what David is referring to here is that anything we hold in our hands is in jeopardy being lost. Our lives are not our own. In this case, David recognizes the frailty of his life, and he expressed that his trust is not in his hands, but in God's law; His precepts and promises.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand" (Proverbs 19:21)

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Oftentimes, when I come to a particular milestone in my life, God brings to my remembrance various aspects of the journey that came before. What begins to emerge is many different threads being woven together towards a greater whole, details one can only see in hindsight. Each milestone becomes a new opportunity to look back on my life and witness the goodness, faithfulness, and steadfast love of God.

Recently, I have come to such a milestone, having completed my certification of biblical counseling with ACBC (Association of Certified Biblical Counselors). In many ways, this feels like the "capstone" to my degree, the thing I have been working towards since I set out to pursue biblical counseling many years ago. And I began thinking about how I got here in the first place. While I do not know when, where, or how the seed of biblical counseling was first planted in my mind, in all likelihood, there were many seeds along the way.

Recently, I learned that it was an old friend of my mom's who first introduced our family to the growing ministry of biblical counseling. In fact, it was this same friend who also introduced my parents to the ministry of John MacArthur. This felt shocking to me - to think my parents had not always read and listened to MacArthur's teaching was absurd! Men like John MacArthur, as well as R. C. Sproul, have been bulwarks to my spiritual growth and faith. I can't even imagine my spiritual journey without them. There are a number of other ways this particular friend was influential in my family's life and now I am beginning to see the overall impact she had that I had never known before. And as I look back not only on my life, but also the life of my parents, more and more I see the sovereignty of God at work, in a thousand more ways than just this one friend. The more I look, the more I see the thread of His providence weaving through both the finer and greater details of my life.

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Certification with ACBC was the final culmination of my education. Phase 1 was simple enough - read various books on theological and biblical counseling topics and observe counseling cases. Phase 2 was slightly more challenging - write two exams, a theology exam and a counseling exam, reaching almost 100 pages in total. But Phase 3 was downright intimidating - 50 hours of supervised counseling under an ACBC Fellow.

My fear of Phase 3 was mingled with excitement too. I was, and still am, eager to learn and gain wisdom from biblical counselors older, wiser, more experienced, and more spiritually mature than myself. But my greatest fear was that my supervisor would think I was a terrible counselor and would tell me to quit biblical counseling altogether. First, I was afraid simply because I didn't know what else I would do with my life. This is supposed to be my career, and I am passionate about it! Second, and most primarily, I was afraid that I would not be humble enough to accept it.

When I began Phase 3, I was given a list of available Fellows to choose from to be my supervisor. A list of names I didn't know. It was overwhelming, to say the least. How was I supposed to choose? Thankfully, one of my closest friends actually works at ACBC in administration, so I immediately reached out to her and asked for direction. She spoke to her boss, and he recommended a man who would soon become my ACBC supervisor, Dr. Jim Fain.

I was nervous for my first few meetings with Jim. What if he thinks I'm stupid? What if I really am a terrible counselor? What if I can't think of things to ask or talk about? What if I just fail to implement what he teaches me? These fears were quickly laid to rest. During my Master's, I was taught that as a biblical counselor you need to build trust with your counselees. However, Jim was not interested in building my trust. He could probably have cared less if I trusted him or not. Jim wanted me to trust in God. He helped me see that as biblical counselors our goal is not to get our counselees to trust in us, but rather, to trust in the God in whom we trust. And as a counselor, I shouldn't put my trust in my counsel, but in the counsel of God's Word. I can't, and won't, counsel perfectly, but God can.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

My family got pretty used to hearing me say, "Well, Jim says, Jim says, Jim says," a lot. (To my family, I'm sorry). But I reminded myself then, and I remind myself now, it's not Jim's word that counts. Or John MacArthur's, or R. C. Sproul's, and least of all, mine. It's God's Word that matters. During my time under Jim's supervision, I learned to read the Bible differently. In fact, Scripture came alive to me in a way it never had before. It is relevant. It is practical. It is living and breathing. It is sufficient. It is truth, and "if you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32). Each session I had with Jim was always filled with Scripture. Even when we were short on time, he would often say "just because we're having fun, turn to ____." And we really were having fun, reading the Bible, learning, and applying it to counseling cases. Jim became a real life 1 Corinthians 11:1 to me, "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ."

One particular week I felt a great weight of discouragement in my counseling. My heart was aching for a particular counselee who was giving up hope. Despite attempting to share hope and encouragement from Scripture, she responded with hopelessness that change wasn't possible. After receiving this email from her I actually broke down in tears. To my shame, I may have said to my husband something along these lines, "Maybe biblical counseling doesn't work" and "I'm not sure I can do this anymore." The next day as I was reading, I came across 2 Corinthians 3:16-18:

"But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."

As I was wrestling with what my counselee had said and questioning myself about whether she was right or not (is true, real change possible this side of heaven?) this passage reminded that for those who have turned to the Lord (in repentance) the veil is removed. We are freed. Freed to behold the glory of the Lord with unveiled faces. And this is what changes us - eyes turned upward looking to Christ. As we behold Him, we are made like Him. We are being (present tense) transformed into His image. This means that change this side of heaven is indeed possible, praise God. We are in the midst of it. If I am beholding Christ, then I am more like Him today than I was yesterday. And this comes from God, not from me. But the verse that really turned my heart around was the one that follows,

"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart" (2 Corinthians 4:1)

Why is it Paul says he does not lose heart? He does not lose heart because he has been given this ministry by the mercy of God. For the first time, I saw my ministry of biblical counseling as God's mercy to me. He has given me this ministry out of His great mercy. The counsel of Scripture that I give and the counsel of Scripture that I receive all flows from the very mercy of God. How beautiful is that? The next time I met with Jim and shared with him about my discouragement, Jim turned to this passage and encouraged me with the exact same words God had only a few days earlier. Providential? I think so.

As I approached the end of my supervision, I began to feel deeply sad that I wouldn't have my sessions with Jim anymore. He had become more than a mentor to me, but a friend in Christ, and like a fatherly figure to me, a "second dad" in a way. Graduation was bittersweet. Incredibly sweet because of the blessing of his ministry and supervision, the encouragement he gave me and from someone I respect so much, and incredibly "bitter" because endings, even good ones, are always painful.

Growing up, the movie Nanny McPhee was a nostalgic, childhood favourite of mine. A widowed dad hires a nanny to care for his many, unruly children. When Nanny McPhee arrives, the children attempt all kinds of wily tricks to be rid of her, to no avail. However, over time they come to appreciate and enjoy her, even love her. As they do, their behavior changes, and their unruliness is replaced with a sense of softness, sweetness, and love. Nanny McPhee, having fulfilled the job for which she came, is ready to leave, yet the children beg her to stay. She replies,

"When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. But when you want me, but no longer need me, then I must go."

When the children no longer needed Nanny McPhee anymore, her job was fulfilled and it was her time to go. They were ready to fly on their own, as it were. As I approached graduation, I kept thinking of these words. It would be untrue to say that I never wanted to do ACBC supervision. I most certainly did want to, although I had many trepidations about it. But now that it's over, I could not be more grateful for the profound impact of Jim's supervision, counsel, instruction, and mentorship in my life.

Jim's version of Nanny McPhee's quote to me was, "Not much more I can teach you, Grasshopper." I know I have so much more to learn, but I am incredibly thankful for the ministry and supervision of Jim. I would not be the biblical counselor I am without him. I couldn't have told you five years ago where I would be today, but early on in my supervision, Jim, with a chuckle, had said, "You got me in the providence of God." And that I did.

All Glory be to God

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Photo by Sixteen Miles Out, Unsplash